Anxiety in Motherhood: The Impact of Trauma
While motherhood can be an incredibly beautiful chapter of life, it can also be filled with stressors, self-doubt, and anxiety.
For women who have experienced trauma within their lifetime, motherhood can also drag up old memories and impact the way that you show up within this new role.
As a trauma and anxiety therapist for women, I love working with moms as they learn to confront their history of trauma and generational stressors in order to create room for the beautiful life they want for themselves and their families.
If you are a mom who struggles with trauma, anxiety, or who notices patterns within yourself that seem to disrupt the connection you want with your children, I hope this will serve as a space where you can feel seen and validated.
“Contrary to what many people believe, your early experiences do not determine your fate. If you had a difficult childhood but have come to make sense of those experiences, you are not bound to re-create the same negative interactions with your own children.” - Daniel J. Siegel: Parenting from the Inside out
Trauma and Motherhood:
Trauma in women can look different than you might expect. For many of the moms I work with, things can often look seemingly great from the outside. Internally, however, they can find that things feel out of place, stressful, and sometimes chaotic. Within their inner world, they struggle with guilt, self-doubt, and complicated thoughts and emotions.
Generational Trauma:
I want to start off by saying that no family is perfect. We all have things about our childhood that we wish would be different and hurts that we wish we could erase. That being said, early family life is one of the most common places where women experience trauma. Whether it be physical, sexual, or emotional ( or all three) - trauma in early childhood can have adverse effects on mental health, physical health, and the quality of relationships that you form across your lifetime.
Birth Trauma:
For women who have experienced a birth trauma, it is not uncommon to find that your sense of trust for the world, yourself, and your body have shifted. You may also find that you start to engage differently with the world around you in order to try to create a sense of order and safety.
Trauma in women often shows up in your internal world as well as in the way that you learn to navigate your role as a mom. So let’s chat a little about how trauma can impact anxiety in motherhood.
Disclaimer: It’s hard enough thinking about trauma, but it can sometimes be even more difficult to think about how your trauma is impacting your children. If at anytime, you feel overwhelmed or not ready to dive into the topic, please prioritize your own needs by bookmarking this blog and coming back to it at another time. It’s okay to not be ready yet. If you’re wanting help, a trauma or anxiety therapist can help.
Maternal Anxiety from Trauma:
Safety:
As a mom, your top priority is the safety and well-being of your child. If you’ve experienced a trauma, however, you may find that you are more primed to seek safety and to scan for danger within your environment. This could look like:
Never letting other people hold your baby (including close family members).
Not letting your child(ren) go to friends’ homes opting for your home to be the go-to space.
Perceiving feedback from teachers or family about your child(ren) as threats against your children or your ability to be a good parent.
Not allowing your child(ren) to learn to bike, skate, etc… for fear that they will be injured.
Getting involved in your child(ren’s) arguments with friends because if feels like they’re being picked on.
Finding ways to keep you child(ren) from feeling hurt or disappointed in life - whether that’s by friends, teachers, or even your own partner.
Perfectionism:
One of the biggest ways anxiety shows up is through perfectionism. When you experience a trauma, your mind starts to scan for reasons why the event happened. You may ask yourself things like: Why did this happen? Is this my fault? I shouldn’t have gone to that event, etc…
Sometimes, when you can’t find reasons for the unexplainable, your mind shifts to decide that you can prevent future harm by being perfect. If I never make a mistake, then nothing bad can ever happen to me or my family.
Perfectionism in motherhood may present as:
Never letting anyone come over your home unless it is immaculate.
Never leaving the house unless you look fully put together.
Being embarrassed when your child(ren) appear rude or don’t use proper manners.
Needing your children to excel at school, sports, friendship, etc…
Worrying that if you don’t do everything right - that your children will not be successful and will have terrible lives.
Pretending to be in a good or cheerful mood so that you are never perceived as rude, unkind, or boring.
Over-scheduling your life (e.g., PTA, sports, coffee, etc…).
Are you ready to navigate your trauma to build the relationships you deserve?
Reach out to a trauma specialist today!
“As we grow and understand ourselves we can offer a foundation of emotional well-being and security that enables our children to thrive.” - - Daniel J. Siegel: Parenting from the Inside out
Emotional Regulation:
You might find that even though your child(ren) are incredibly important to you, that you frequently tend feel frustrated and/or get snappy with them. You may find that you have low tolerance for 1) questions, 2) boundary testing, or 3) their big emotions, which are all normal and natural parts of their development. You may wonder whey they can’t be “easy” or wonder what you are “doing wrong” as a parent.
You might also struggle to connect with them or find that you are more focused on their safety - than anything else. Many of the wonderful women I work with have shared that they want to connect so deeply, while also noticing that their safety behaviors push them further away from the relationships they want.
Is it Anxiety? Or is it Trauma?
It’s not uncommon for me to meet a prospective client who has been working through traditional anxiety treatment for years (e.g., CBT) without any reprieve from their symptoms. It’s important to know that sometimes anxiety is the symptom itself and the true work that needs to be done is on an underlying trauma.
Anxiety, in this way, serves as a protector. Moms with anxiety often share that their anxiety can even feel safe and familiar. Anxiety keeps you checking on your baby at night. Anxiety keeps you on top of school functions, drop offs, and difficult work dynamics. Anxiety might just feel like the status quo at this point.
If you are struggling with anxiety in motherhood, I want you to know that you are not alone. You are deserving of addressing trauma, finding new ways of relating to your anxiety, and creating the life that you want.
Worth and Wellness Psychology was created for moms like you and I’d love to get to meet you!
Start Healing your Trauma With A Birth Trauma Therapist in Los Angeles, CA
Take the first step towards healing and support. If you've experienced a birth trauma, know that your experience is valid and you deserve help. Don't let it define you or consume your life. Consider starting EMDR for birth trauma at Worth and Wellness Psychology.
You don't have to face this journey alone. Connect with a birth trauma therapist who can provide you with support and guidance. In order to get started follow these steps:
Schedule your first appointment for EMDR for birth trauma
Stop struggling alone and start healing
Other Therapy Services Offered in Los Angeles & Irvine, CA
At Worth and Wellness Psychology, I offer in-person therapy in Los Angeles and online throughout California. This includes individual therapy for relationship issues, dating, and anxiety. In addition to therapy for therapists women of color, and Highly Sensitive People. Reach out to learn more about how I can support you.
