Understanding Anxiety in Women
The mind is beautiful and unique. It can help us process and grow from successes and failures and prepare us to react to novel situations. Our creativity can help us envision new worlds through music and art and our imagination can also allow us to be playful with our children, to dream up new technologies, and to plan into the future.
While the mind is powerful and complex, anxiety can take these strengths and leave us feeling trapped and powerless. Anxiety can hijack these processes and propel us into a future littered with our worst nightmares. We can envision ourselves getting into a car crash, being broken up with, failing a critical exam, losing a family member, or being abandoned and alone. The same beautiful creativity and imagination that can light up our world, can also lead to suffering and fear, leaving us feeling helpless in a world of our mind’s own making.
What is Anxiety?
Like every emotion, anxiety is not only normal but also important for our well-being. Imagine you’re at the beach watching your kids swimming with your partner and you suddenly start hearing “shark” being yelled with increased levels of distress. With anxiety, our body gets our heart racing and adrenaline pumping. Anxiety alerts us that we (or our loved ones) are in danger and that we need to ACT. Without anxiety, we wouldn’t have the internal biological tools or motivation to get us to act quickly and to help get ourselves or others to safety.
For those who struggle with anxiety, you know that there is a big difference between the appropriate and much needed anxiety during an emergency, and that same biological response showing up during a board meeting, a leisurely drive, a date, or an exam. In these instances, anxiety can feel crippling and can leave us feeling exhausted and confused.
What Does Anxiety Feel Like?
Feelings of tension. Your body feels like it’s in knots.
Increased heart rate, sweaty palms, and shallow breathing. Feeling like you just finished a marathon.
Mentally and physically exhausted. Your body always feels fatigued and sluggish.
Creating Rituals. You spend a lot of time trying to live by the safety rituals and rules to avoid feeling anxiety.
Avoiding. Leaving early or finding reasons to avoid situations associated with anxiety.
Trying to be perfect. You worry about what others will think of you if you don’t get it all right.
Body aches. You may experience unexplainable aches, with no obvious physical cause.
Nausea and body tingling. Feeling a loss of control over your body.
Worry. You worry excessively about the past, present, and/or future.
Five Categories of Anxiety:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder: GAD is marked by chronic anxiety with exaggerated worry and tension where the individual finds it hard to control these symptoms. Folks with GAD may experience concerns about health, money, work, family, or other issues.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: OCD is characterized by recurrent unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). These compulsions can include but are not limited to counting, hand washing, cleaning, or checking as a means of reducing or preventing the presence of obsessive thoughts. While these behaviors or rituals may provide temporary relief, they ultimately increase the individual’s anxiety.
Panic Disorder: Folks who struggle with panic disorder experience episodes of panic which are marked by intense fear and physical symptoms (e.g., racing heart, chest pain, shortness of breath, dizziness, numbness or tingling in the extremities, hot flashes or chills, nausea, and other abdominal pain or discomfort. For some, there may also be a sense that they have completely lost control, that they are at risk of death, and/or a sense of detachment from the world around them.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: PTSD develops after the experience of a terrifying event or situation in which there is a threat of grave physical harm. Traumatic events can include but are not limited to sexual assault, war, medical complications, losing someone to suicide, physical abuse, racism, sexism, and heterosexism.
Social Anxiety: Social Anxiety can be experienced by excessive feelings of self-consciousness and overwhelming anxiety in day-to-day situations. While this can happen across a number of different situations, it can also be limited to just one (e.g., eating in front of others, giving a presentation, going on a date).
Anxiety in Women
Oftentimes, the women I work with enter therapy in order to improve their relationship with themselves and/or others. When it comes to anxiety, I often hear…. What if I’m too much? Or if I’m not enough? What if I can’t be a good mother? What if I let my partner down? Will I never find someone?
As women, much of our well-being is tied to relationships and our ability to find belonging. These dynamics allow us to grow, share hardships, provide nurturing, and feel supported and accepted.
Unfortunately, anxiety in women can sometimes get in the way of that. By either making us doubt or compare ourselves to others or question whether we belong. Social anxiety can hold us back from spending time with friends, keep us from challenging ourselves to go for positions of leadership in our workplaces, or lead us to isolate and pull back from experiencing our full beautiful lives.
Social Anxiety in Women
Oftentimes, social anxiety in women can include struggling emotionally in new situations, feeling overwhelmed around too many people or during important moments (e.g., giving presentations) as well as struggling with anxiety attacks. That’s not to say that anxiety is always visible to others. Many of the clients I have worked with have excelled at their jobs, killed it in their board room presentations, and are well regarded by their colleagues as being outgoing and incredibly sociable. And yet… under the surface, they feel like they are “holding it all in.”
Anxiety in women can feel like an internal building pressure. No one else knows that they may constantly be rewinding through the day’s events, picking apart their words, dissecting passing comments from others, and scanning for signs of proof that someone noticed their anxiety or that they’re not good enough.
Social Anxiety in Women Interferes with Personal Relationships & Plans
It’s important to note that social anxiety can also present as being really slow to return texts, not taking phone calls, or cancelling plans at the last minute. The clients I work with who struggle with these symptoms, often share that they can be perceived as cold, distant, or unengaged. The truth is though, they are anything but that. They crave connection, they want to have meaningful conversations, to be truly seen, heard, and valued. Behind the unanswered texts are often multiple drafts written and rewritten. Behind the seemingly ignored phone call is someone who just wants to say the right thing. To not feel like they messed up or that they’re different. Behind the cancelled plans is someone who spent all day up to that point thinking of nothing else - planning out the “right” outfit, the “right” thing to say, the “right” questions to ask - only to lose confidence at the last moment.
The tricky part is, those cancelled plans can feel good. The moment we make the call or send off the text to say that we can’t make it, our anxiety relaxes. It ramps down a little bit and finally gives us the break we had been waiting for. And… unfortunately, the more we do this, the more our own body comes to expect that sudden drop off in anxiety. This can quickly build into a pattern where we start to associate being at home as the only safe or secure space. This is also the space where many folks seek treatment. If you’re struggling with anxiety and have noticed your world shrinking, anxiety treatment can help. Reach out today to get started.
Anxiety and Motherhood
Many of the women I work with seek therapy to address anxiety as it relates to their role in motherhood. For new moms, postpartum anxiety can feel sudden and scary and 15-20% of women struggle with an increase in anxiety and depression both during pregnancy and up to a year after giving birth.
Postpartum Anxiety (PPA) can leave new mothers feeling panicked, numb, and out of control of their emotions and body. While it’s natural for new parents to feel anxious about the safety of their children, mothers with postpartum or antepartum anxiety can experience disturbing images and thoughts which impact their sleep, physical, and emotional well-being. If you’re struggling with PPA, you are not alone. An anxiety counselor can help you learn skills to navigate during this stressful time so you can get back to enjoying life with your new little one.
What Does Postpartum Anxiety Look Like?
Postpartum anxiety as well as anxiety during pregnancy (antepartum) can present in the following ways:
Constants fear that something bad is going to happen to your little one.
Racing thoughts - often these thoughts are in relation to all of the “what-ifs” like: What if we get into a car accident? What if I can’t breast feed? What if I choose the wrong milk formula, What if I get sick and I can’t care for my baby?….
Changes with your sleep/appetite
Constant feelings of worry or dread
Inability to relax
Dizziness, hot flashes, nausea, or shaking
What Does Postpartum Panic Disorder Look Like?
Postpartum Panic disorder can present in the following ways:
Heart palpitations
Chest pain
Shortness of breath
Dizziness
Claustrophobia
Numbness or tingling
Constant fear that you’ll experience another panic attack
Coping Techniques for Anxiety in Women
There is no cure all for anxiety, because anxiety is a natural physiological response. There is hope, however, as therapy for anxiety can help you shift your relationship with anxiety (e.g.., how you talk to yourself and about yourself when you’re feeling anxious) and can help you learn to cope with it in situations where it holds you back from reaching your goals. You also have a number of options to choose from. Let’s explore some of them!
GROUNDING AND MINDFULNESS
One coping skill your therapist may introduce to you for anxiety is grounding and/or mindfulness. These are great tools as they can be used both at home, work, or when you’re away from home and need some help with your anxiety.
I was first introduced to mindfulness during my graduate school research lab, working with parents of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I had the humbling opportunity of exploring whether mindfulness could be effective in helping these parents with high stress and emotional connection. AND IT WAS!
In being part of witnessing such beautiful and tangible change, I decided that I wanted to bring that practice not only into my work with clients, but also into my own life. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I ground. When I want to feel more balanced and in tune with myself, I make sure that I plan mindfulness into my day. Sometimes that’s by putting it in my calendar and sometimes that’s by scheduling a friendly (this part is super important) sounding alarm on my phone. I love teaching these skills, because I know that they can work, and I’m excited to share them with you too!
It Starts by Identifying your Anxiety
The first step is learning more about what anxiety feels like for you. For some, anxiety can be physiological and may be experienced as a racing heart, tingling in your arms or legs, feeling flushed, or sweating. For others, it may be more thought-based as you may experience worries that play on a loop, or find yourself re-winding through social situations to assess whether you “messed up,” or you might notice that you get caught up in a no-win game of the “what ifs” and “if onlys.”
When we get caught up in anxiety, whether physiologically, cognitively, or both, we lose our sense of the here and now. Imagine you’re driving to work and you start to worry about whether you left your hair iron on. We might expect that you may quickly experience knots in your stomach, a drop in the pit of your chest, and that you may start imagining all the possible worst case scenarios.For those who struggle with anxiety, these somatic symptoms (e.g., headaches, body aches, stomach upset, tense jaw, etc…) may begin to feel like a normal part of your day. You may even forget that you didn’t always struggle in this way.
By being able to identify where we hold anxiety in our body and what amount of space we give to our thoughts, we can get back in tune with ourselves. We can learn to listen to our bodies and catch the impact of how our mind can impact not only our physiology, but also our mood. At Worth and Wellness, you will learn more about how your unique thoughts, physiology, and mood interact so you can develop the skills to relate to your anxiety differently.
Approaches:Therapy for Anxiety in Women
Let’s take a look at which therapy for anxiety approach might be a fit for you. Keep in mind that there is no one-size-fits all approach for therapy and that it matters that both the anxiety therapist and the approach are a fit for you.
So, if you’ve tried these approaches before, make sure to share that with prospective therapists. It may be that the way it was provided wasn’t a match for your learning style, that the therapist:client dynamic didn’t lend itself to your healing, or that it’s time to try a different approach. Sometimes clients even share that something they tried in the past didn’t work because of their life stage, their availability to practice the skills outside of treatment, or their own readiness to truly give therapy for anxiety a chance.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most common treatment approaches and is often used to address anxiety. This therapeutic approach focuses on noticing and shifting your relationship between your thoughts, emotions, and actions. CBT focuses on helping you challenge the thoughts that can feel as if they control your life and learn to change them to more neutral and healthy perspectives.
Exposure Therapy
Exposure Therapies can be helpful if you notice that anxiety has made your world smaller. Maybe you turn down more social events than you accept, or maybe you’ve found ways to avoid people (e.g., ordering in groceries, taking online classes, staying too busy to spend time with others). Or maybe you’re struggling with anxiety around travel and have found ways to stay local and not take flights or to work close to home so you don’t need to drive. Whatever you’re struggling with - if anxiety has limited your life, exposure therapy may be helpful for you. While there are many different types of exposure therapy approaches, each type will help you more manageably approach your fears.
Imaginal Exposure (EMDR Therapy)
Imaginal Exposure is a little different than Exposure Therapy as it focuses more on having you visualize your worst fears. Over time, you and your anxiety therapist, will work on helping you to desensitize to those fears. At Worth and Wellness, the most commonly requested imaginal exposure is EMDR. Learn more about EMDR Therapy!
Start Therapy for Anxiety in Women in Los Angeles, CA
Do you think you could benefit from therapy for anxiety? If so then Worth and Wellness is here to help you! In order to chat about you experience with anxiety, please follow these steps:
Schedule a free 30-minute consultation.
Make your first appointment with an anxiety therapist
Start enjoying life without the constant weight of anxiety
Other Counseling Services I Offer in Los Angeles, CA
At Worth and Wellness Psychology, I offer in-person and online therapy. This includes individual therapy for relationship issues, dating, and EMDR. In addition to therapy for therapists and women of color. Reach out to talk about how I can support you.
About the Author, An Anxiety Therapist for Women in LA
Dr. Adrianna Holness, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist at Worth and Wellness Psychology, serving clients online and in-person throughout California. She received her Ph.D. in Clinical Health Psychology from Loma Linda University. As a anxiety therapist, she specializes in creating space for healing and wholeness as clients take on the brave and beautiful work of addressing life’s hardest moments. She is trained in many evidence-based therapy approaches for anxiety in women, including EMDR therapy.
Disclaimer:
This blog provides general information and discussions about health and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, website, or in any linked materials are not intended and should not be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog does not constitute the practice of any medical or mental healthcare advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We cannot diagnose, provide second opinions or make specific treatment recommendations through this blog or website.
