Perfectionism and Anxiety
Calling all my perfectionists.
Oftentimes, anxiety is described as an image of an individual who is overwhelmed, withdrawn, or shut down. If you struggle with perfectionism though, you know that anxiety can also look like over-performing, people-pleasing, over-scheduling, under-resting, and always being on the move.
Perfectionism can feel like a constant push to excel while still feeling like you’re never good enough. It can feel like you’re always on edge, over-functioning, and somehow always racing to keep up. And the funny thing? Even when you’re killing it at work and highly regarded by friends, family, and colleagues, you always feel like you’re one slip away from having nothing. So you keep moving, keep striving, keep telling yourself that one day you’ll check off all the endless should boxes on your list.
Or what about a case of analysis paralysis? Have you ever cared about something so much that you don’t take action? Perfectionism can create a freeze response where you care so much about doing things the “right” way or having your final product look perfect - that you struggle to complete projects altogether.
Sound familiar?
If you are a perfectionist who struggles with anxiety, I want you to know that you are welcome in this space. If you struggle with feeling like you’re never good enough, therapy for anxiety can help you start to create the life you want.
Addressing that Pesky Worth Narrative:
In my work with perfectionists, I like to learn about your narratives around perfectionism and worth. Oftentimes, those scripts started early in life, in those stages where our nuclear families taught us about who we are to them and to the larger world around us.
If you grew up with unconditional love and an understanding that you are your worth, then you most likely believe that your worth is intrinsic. Your birthright. That it can’t be purchased or discarded by you or anyone else.
If, on the other hand, you learned that you had to earn love, affection, and praise from your family - you may have learned that your worth is conditional. That it can be taken away. It fluctuates. It’s not secure. It’s always right on the edge of disappearing.
What defines your worth? Is it….
💰 Your bank account?
😎 Social media status/popularity?
👗 Outfits?
🎓 Degree?
🏃🏽♀️Fitness level?
💞 Relationship status?
Learning more about the conditions you’ve placed around your worth can help you to learn to challenge and re-script those pesky narratives. If you’re not sure yet what your narrative is, see if you can ask yourself: 1) What am I always moving towards? (e.g., popularity, a promotion) and 2) What am I always trying to stay away from? (e.g., gaining weight, looking unintelligent).
What’s your worth narrative?
Discover more about therapy for anxiety and perfectionism in California today!
All perfectionism is, is the 20-ton shield we carry around hoping it’ll keep us from being hurt while in truth, it keeps us from being seen. - Brené Brown
Learning more about your perfectionism profile:
Perfectionism is a form of protection. Oftentimes the women I work with share that if only I could be perfect then….
✨ I’ll be accepted.
✨ People will want to have me in their lives.
✨ I’ll belong.
✨ I won’t be alone.
✨ I’ll matter.
What is your perfectionism profile?
The ironic part of that perfection shield though, is that it can be hard to be seen behind all of that protection. The need behind perfection is to be seen and yet it keeps us from truly interacting, truly being understood for who we are, actually being known.
Have you ever noticed that there’s no end point for perfectionism? The moment you reach a previously stated goal, there’s a new bar to get to and that bar of perfectionism is moving further out of reach.
Are you busy?
Reach out to an online therapist in California for anxiety and perfectionists to learn more.
So where do we go from here?
If you’re ready to address perfectionism and create a life where good enough isn’t determined by your output, a therapist for people-pleasers and perfectionists can help!
Let’s take a look at some ways to start addressing those thoughts:
✨ See if you can be curious about the thoughts and emotions that are driving your perfectionism.
If I don’t do this “right” then….
Write down the fears that are associated with the drive to be perfect
✨ Look for the evidence.
It’s so easy to tell ourselves that if we don’t do things perfectly or if we mess up that we’ll be rejected. Can you think of a time where your output wasn’t 100% what you wanted it to be? Did you lose friends? Status? Worth?
✨ Practice being imperfect.
If you’ve never been in that place, then this is the perfect time to try. Try practicing doing things in an imperfect manner and see what happens. Sound scary? I get it!
See if you can start off small. If you never leave home without making your bed, putting on a full face of makeup. or doing your full workout see if you can make small changes.
So, maybe you leave a few steps off your makeup routine, don’t fully finish making your bed, or shave a few minutes off your exercise routine. Think of it as an experiment and see if your worst case scenarios come true.
✨ Explore your own needs.
If people pleasing is your brand of perfectionism, you might find that you don’t really know your own needs. See if you can practice noticing and asking for your needs to be met. If you don’t know where to start, try meeting with a therapist for perfectionists to learn more about needs identification.
✨ Try self-compassion.
Oftentimes our internal perfectionism narrative is not so nice. How often do you slow down and affirm all the work that you have put into your life? That it’s okay to struggle? To mess up? To fear rejection? To be a work in progress?
Perfectionism is a protector - but it doesn’t have to be your constant companion. If you’re ready to start living your one big beautiful life knowing that you are worthy just as you are, reach out to get started on that journey!
Begin Therapy for Perfectionism and Anxiety Today!
Motivated to learn how to manage your perfectionism and anxiety? Here at Worth and Wellness, we work with you to help explore the anxiety that comes with your perfectionism. Begin therapy for anxiety in California today with our experienced anxiety therapist, and see how much your life can change. To get started, follow these simple steps:
Contact Worth and Wellness
Learn more about your anxiety therapist
Begin living a life that you can be proud of.
Other Services at Worth & Wellness Psychology in California
Outside of anxiety therapy, we specialize in dating therapy, EMDR therapy, and trauma therapy. We also provide therapy for individuals, therapy for therapists, and therapy for women of color. Our online therapy format also allows us to be more accessible to clients. To learn more about our practice, visit us and get the help you deserve today!
