Anxiety and People Pleasing: Good Girl Syndrome
Were you raised as a “Good Girl?”
If you struggle with anxiety and people-pleasing, then you were likely raised as a “Good Girl.” Many of the wonderful women I work with, struggle with identifying their needs, owning their “no,” and leaning into their desires. They are smart, kind, and wonderful and they struggle to identify their own worthiness for showing up for themselves.
As an anxiety specialist, I love working with women as they shift from the “Good Girl” role into the confident and amazing women that they truly are.
So let’s explore a little about anxiety and people-pleasing.
What is a “Good Girl?”
A “good girl” is a set of expectations that you may have experienced growing up. Let’s see how many of these sound familiar:
Do you say yes to things when you really want to say no?
Do you feel rude or even guilty when you set a boundary?
Are you constantly worried about letting others down?
Do you feel responsible for your loved ones’ happiness?
Do you feel like you have to be “perfect” to be good enough?
If you answered yes to any of these, I absolutely get it, because I’m right there with you. I also know that those "good girl" traits that you were praised for growing up didn't just go away.
For over a decade, I've had the opportunity to help women who are working to shed the image they were expected to have when they were growing up.
Some of the most common ones I hear are:
1️⃣ The "Easy One":
Maybe you grew up in a high-stress home. One where your parents didn't get along, there was a divorce, or you had a sick family member. You learned to tune down your emotions so that you wouldn't "get in the way" of others getting their needs met.
2️⃣ The "High Achiever":
You certainly didn't get noticed when you were sick or struggling - but you did stand out when you excelled - at school, sports, or being the "pretty child." You learned that if you could be perfect, then you would be worthy of attention.
3️⃣ The "Helpful One":
You may have had a sibling who struggled - either with physical and/or mental health issues. You might have been relied on as "such a good helper" with the expectation that you would be more of an additional parent figure... than an actual kid.
Do you struggle with self-worth in relationships?
Worth and Wellness Psychology is here to support you!
The “Good Girl” All Grown Up
If you were raised with the expectation of being easy, those expectations often spill over into adulthood in the form of anxiety, people-pleasing, and/or low self-worth.
HARD TRUTH: You never got to be you growing up and now you likely experience:
🥱 burnout
😰 bouts of anxiety
🔍 difficulty knowing what you want
🪞 struggling to really know yourself
💔low self-worth
🏃♀️ avoidance of all your feelings
The “Good Girl’s” Anxiety:
“Good Girl” Anxiety often presents in the form of over-achieving, under-recognizing your skills and worth, and constantly monitoring yourself socially for fear of getting things “wrong",” letting others down, or dropping the ball on your own standards.
The tricky part is that over-achieving consistently gets reinforced across your lifetime and by different people. You may have had to be the “good girl” in the classroom, on sports teams, maybe in a place of worship, and with your family. As an adult, you may find that these patterns repeat in the boardroom, in college/grad school, in romantic relationships, and with your friends.
Therapy for anxiety can be a beautiful space to help you explore the impact of early expectations and learn to shed the “good girl” mold.
The “Good Girl’s” People Pleasing
Oftentimes, women who were raised with the expectation of meeting others’ needs end up struggling with relationship anxiety. This can typically show up as doubts about your worth if you don’t “measure up.”
Psst.. Does it feel like the measuring stick is constantly shifting? Many of the amazing women I get the opportunity to work with share that they never feel good enough…. even when they look like they’re killing it in life (from the outside).
Guess what?
People-pleasing works in the short term. Yes, people like you. Yes, you are well-regarded at work. Yes, you are the go-to helper for your family. Yes, you get the call back for the interview. Yes, you are seen as dependable, responsible, and needed.
But… what about your needs?
Is there room for you to show up as yourself? Do you get the opportunity to explore the areas of life that are interesting to you? Or do you lean into the needs of others so much so that you lose sight of who you are?
People-pleasing works… but it also kills confidence and robs you of leaning into your beautiful identity. If you feel ready to address anxiety and people-pleasing - I would love to meet you! Reach out today and we’ll chat more about how to get started.
Start Working with an Anxiety Counselor in Los Angeles, CA
Anxiety can be hard to navigate. You don’t have to do it alone, Reach out to an anxiety therapist today. Follow these steps to get started with Worth and Wellness Psychology:
Fill out our contact form online for a consultation.
Speak with our experienced therapist.
Begin coping with anxiety in a healthier way!
About the Author, Dr. Adrianna Holness, An Anxiety Therapist in LA & Orange County
Dr. Adrianna Holness, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist at Worth and Wellness Psychology, serving clients online and in person throughout California. She received her Ph.D. in Clinical Health Psychology from Loma Linda University. As a psychologist that specializes in anxiety treatment, she creates a space for healing and wholeness so her clients can focus on addressing the cause of their anxiety. She is trained in many evidence-based trauma treatment approaches, including EMDR.
Other Services Offered with Worth and Wellness
Worth and Wellness is happy to offer a variety of services in support of your mental health in addition to anxiety therapy. Other services offered include EMDR therapy, trauma therapy, and therapy for therapists. We also provide online therapy, therapy for women of color, and therapy for individuals. Visit us today or our blog today to start your journey to a better life!
Disclaimer:
This blog provides general information and discussions about health and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, website, or in any linked materials are not intended and should not be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog does not constitute the practice of any medical or mental healthcare advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We cannot diagnose, provide second opinions or make specific treatment recommendations through this blog or website.
