Tips for Moms With Anxiety: How to Find the Right Therapist
You want to be a good mom. To take care of both your baby and yourself and you’re struggling to find that balance.
Becoming a mom changes everything. Whether it’s your first time or not, the experience will be filled with excitement, joy, and love as well as self-doubt, exhaustion, and anxiety. With all of the ongoing changes, many mothers share that they often feel overwhelmed and overstretched.
Anxiety and Motherhood
For new moms, postpartum anxiety can feel sudden and scary and 15-20% of women struggle with an increase in anxiety and depression both during pregnancy and up to a year after giving birth.
Postpartum Anxiety (PPA)
Postpartum Anxiety (PPA) might feel like panic, like you are out of control in your own body, and/or that your mind is suddenly filled with every worst possible scenario with regard to your new baby’s health and safety. If you’re struggling with a sudden change in your mood, difficulty sleeping, changes in your appetite, racing thoughts, and nausea or dizziness, you may be experiencing PPA. You are not alone. An anxiety counselor can help you learn skills to navigate during this stressful time so you can get back to enjoying life with your new little one.
For moms struggling with anxiety or postpartum anxiety (PPA), the transition into motherhood and the accompanying flood of emotions and frightening thoughts can weigh you down.
Many Women Experience Anxiety Throughout Their Life
It’s important to note that while some women will only experience anxiety during the antepartum or postpartum stages, many women experience anxiety throughout different stages of life and motherhood. Being a mom is a lot to navigate. You’re simultaneously a superhero, bad guy, booboo kisser, snack delivery service, birthday party event coordinator, and homework helper just to name a few of your many roles.
Notice that this doesn’t even include who you are to your partner, your family, friends, coworkers, and yourself! Oftentimes, women, I work with share that while therapy frequently crossed their minds, the amount of work and time they’d need to put into finding the right match felt too daunting.
That’s where I come in!
If you’re a mom or an expecting mom and are feeling overwhelmed but want help in finding the right therapist, consider this your guide to getting started.
I often get asked questions about how to find a therapist by friends and family who are either looking for themselves or asking for a friend. The most common things I hear are:
Why is it so hard?
Where do I even start looking?
Why don’t therapists take insurance?
How do I know if it’s the right fit?
What should I ask during a consultation?
What are the differences between all the therapists?
Let’s dive in!
Where Do I Start Looking For a Therapist For Women?
Ask your healthcare providers:
Mental health can affect not only our mood but also our physical health. Everything within our bodies is interconnected and healthcare professionals often have a referral network for mental health. Some great professionals to ask include psychiatrists, occupational therapists, physical therapists, primary care physicians, acupuncturists, gynecologists, pediatricians, lactation nurses, midwives, and/or school counselors just to name a few.
Ask people within your own social network:
One of the best places to start is to ask friends or family if they know of anyone they would recommend. You may be surprised to find that they’ve tried therapy themselves or that they know of someone from a friend whom they have heard is great. They may also have met with someone for a consultation that they opted not to work with, but who they thought was great and potentially could be a good fit for you.
Ask around on your social media:
Sometimes friends and family can feel a little too personal and you might not want to share that you’re struggling. Maybe you’re not ready to share that part of your life just yet. Social media can be a helpful place to check as well, especially if you’re part of a group. There are plenty of support groups online (e.g., new moms, moms of toddlers, etc…). These spaces can be a great place to ask if other moms have any recommendations.
Check out the Therapy Directories:
There are a lot of free directories online to help you find a clinician and there are quite a few that are focused on specific needs (e.g., Latinx, Black women, LGBTQIA, men’s issues, cancer diagnosis, etc…). The directories will also let you filter for things like insurance type, therapist location if they offer in-person sessions or are fully online, and the types of areas in which they specialize. If you don’t know quite what you’re looking for but you’re hoping that a clinician could relate to you based on some intersection of your identity, then the directories are a great place to start!
I often recommend Therapy Den and Inclusive Therapists. As noted above, you can also search by specific populations (e.g., Therapy for Black Girls, Latinx Therapy, Asian Mental Health Collective) as well as by the specific type of therapy (e.g., EMDR).
Check with Insurance for In-Network Referrals:
We’ll chat more about why so many therapists don’t accept insurance below, but you can always reach out to your insurance company for their list of in-network referrals.
Next Steps on Finding a Therapist for Women:
Learn about each therapist:
If you find a therapist in a directory, see if you can check out their website. The directories often have a limited word count, and a therapist’s website is a great space to learn more about their training background, credentials, clinical approach, personality, and specialty areas. It can also give you a better sense of whether you think it will be a good fit.
Double-check their credentials:
You can look up any provider through the Department of Consumer Affairs to make sure that their license is in good standing.
Reach out to a handful of clinicians:
It’s not often that you get to make informed choices about your healthcare. For many of us, physicians and dentists come assigned by our insurance companies and if it’s not fit - it’s not exactly easy to make a change. I LOVE that clients get to meet and choose a therapist that feels like the right fit for them. It may feel scary or exhausting to meet with a few people, so I always encourage friends and prospective clients to view it from a place of empowerment.
You get to choose your therapist. You also get to pass on people who don’t feel quite right for you. After you’ve done your research, reach out in the way that feels most manageable for you right now (e.g., a voicemail, or an email), and then trust your gut knowing you can change your mind.
Tips for Reducing Anxiety During a Consultation
When looking for a therapist, it’s important to first meet for a consultation. Good therapists provide consultations because they want you to find what you’re looking for. A consultation is a great way for therapists to make sure our specific skill set lines up with what you’re hoping to work on and to give you a space to ask any questions you may have. Depending on the platform of the consultation, it may also help you to determine if you’d prefer to be seen online or in person. While online sessions are equally effective to those conducted in person, everyone has a preference for what makes them feel the most engaged and seen. Check-in with yourself after the consultation to see if the format felt like the right fit for you.
Pick the right time for you.
If you know you need a little more time to reduce your anxiety, choose a time to meet that fits your schedule. This might mean taking an extra long lunch break, stepping out to your car if your office or home life doesn’t allow privacy, or picking a time in the middle of your baby’s napping schedule.
You are the interviewer.
You get to ask the important questions and you get to decide if we feel like the right fit for you. See if you can view yourself as the interviewer and write down a few questions that feel important for you to ask.
Meet online.
A lot of busy moms share that the prospect of having to plan out drive time for a 30-minute consultation can keep them from booking the first appointment. If you know this process could increase your anxiety, then see if you can meet online.
Meet Your Therapist in the office.
If you know your anxiety is more heightened online or that you need to take some time away from the house, then see if you can meet in person.
If you’re feeling anxiety around the idea of meeting for a consultation, here are some ways to flip your internal script:
Name it to Tame It: Dr. Dan Siegel, author of the book, “The Whole Brain Child,” has identified that we have the ability to tame our physical response when we pause and name our emotions and/or thoughts.
“Anxiety - I see that you are trying to remind me that I value acceptance and security.”
“I’m having the thought that I’m _______”
Review the FACTS:
Our thoughts (images and words) are not facts. They can feel like the most real thing at the time even though they are not grounded in fact. Let’s say you tell yourself: I woke up late and the kids are hungry (fact) and I am a terrible mother (belief). Just telling yourself that you are a terrible parent can make it feel 100% true. Let’s make it silly. Take 2: I woke up late and the kids are hungry (fact) and I am a blue-striped couch (belief). Did you believe that story? See if you can remind yourself that the blue stripe couch “fact” is just as true as the “terrible parent” story that you tell yourself.
What story do you think you will carry with you to a therapy consultation? Maybe: They won’t like me? No one can help me? No one can understand me? I’m broken?
See if you can show up to the consultation with the facts: I’m a mom navigating life with anxiety. I want help. I feel anxious and I’m having thought that the therapist won’t like me. I don’t have any evidence of that. I haven’t met with them yet. Let’s see how this goes.
Respond with Compassion:
Even when we’re learning to practice all the new therapy skills, it can be easy to be hard on ourselves when we’re practicing this new language. Sometimes when new moms are practicing Name It to Tame It (see above), they may get caught in a spiral like this:
“I’m having the thought that I’m going to let my baby down and they won’t like me when they grow up. If I mess things up now, they’ll hate me forever.” or “I’m going to mess up this consultation. No one is going to want to work with me or what if I choose the wrong person? I never get anything right these days.”
Let’s try that with some compassion: “Thank you brain for giving me all that information. Some if it is helpful and some of it isn’t real and it’s not helping me at this moment. The way that you’ve presented this information is probably going to lead me to spiral, to withdraw, and to cancel or no-show on this appointment today. I’m going to let go of the parts that will hold me back from showing up for myself today.”
Create Space:
Sometimes we can get so caught up in our thoughts that they can take off like a runaway train. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, see if you can hit PAUSE. Maybe this means going for a walk, calling a friend, taking a warm shower, or breathing.
When you can create space, you can give yourself a better chance of REACTING vs. BEING REACTIVE. If it’s almost time for your consultation and you get nervous sitting in front of the screen waiting - maybe you log on early and chat with a friend or make yourself a cup of tea. If you know you’re going to need some self-care time before the meeting, see if you can create a plan to give yourself just that.
What Will Happen During a Consultation?
During a consultation, a therapist will introduce themselves, explain confidentiality as well as the limits, ask you for a quick snapshot of what’s bringing you in, ask some more tailored questions to make sure they fully understand what you want to work on, explain their approach, and answer any questions that you may have. They should also be transparent about their fee per session, their cancellation fees, as well as their availability to meet with new clients (e.g., are they available or taking consultations to build their waitlist).
What Should I Be Looking For?
While you could arrive at your consultation with a well-tailored list of questions, the most valuable information you can gather from the appointment is to check in with yourself about how you feel. 1) Did I feel seen, heard, and understood? 2) Could I see myself sharing hard things with this person? and 3) Did they feel relatable?
It may sound cheesy, but there’s a certain chemistry to finding the right therapist. Kind of like dating, sometimes it takes a few meetings to see if things click. If you meet with a therapist for a few sessions and you don’t feel like they’re the right fit to help you, it’s a great opportunity to share that. Sometimes just sharing that you’re confused by the process or not sure if the treatment approach is right for you can help you and the therapist to create a more tailored approach that meets your needs. On the other hand, if it’s just genuinely not the right fit, you can always ask for referrals. Therapists want you to find the right fit and we have a network of colleagues who could end up being your future clinician.
Questions To ask yourself after the consultation:
Were they professional? (e.g., were they distracted during the zoom call, did they show up on time?)
Did I feel comfortable?
Do they have expertise in the area I want to work on?
Did they take the time to answer my questions?
Were they attentive, warm, and curious?
Can I afford the services?
Do they have time in the schedule for me? (e.g., are they able to meet weekly?)
What are the Differences between Therapists?
If you’ve already started looking for a new therapist, then you’ve probably noticed that there are a lot of different types and that there are a lot of crossovers in what services each person provides. Let’s go over what it all means so that you’ll know a little more about what all the titles mean.
Doctoral Level Therapists:
Licensed Clinical Psychologists have a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology, either a Ph.D. (Doctor of Philosophy in Psychology) or a PsyD (Doctor of Psychology). Doctoral Programs tend to take 5-8 years to complete including education and clinical training. Outside of this, psychologists who want to further specialize in a given area will complete a postdoctoral fellowship which can take an additional 1-2 years.
The most traditional route is a Ph.D. which typically requires participation and integration of clinical research and science in addition to clinical training. A Psy.D., on the other hand, focuses more on clinical work. Depending on the school, however, there can be a lot of similarities in the training of those with a Psy.D. and those with a Ph.D. What does all this mean? As long as a clinician was trained at a school accredited by the American Psychological Association, then their training is likely to be good. Where psychologists differ from other clinicians is in their ability to provide psychological assessments for legal proceedings, school-based evaluations, etc…
What you can ask if you’d like more information about their background would be: 1) Where did you do your Internship and 2) Where did your postdoc? These two training years are incredibly important and help you learn more about each clinician’s unique specialty.
Psychiatrists have attended either medical school and have an MD or attended osteopathic medical school and have a DO. Psychiatrists, unlike Licensed Clinical Psychologists, prescribe medication that addresses some mental health symptoms. Psychiatrists are a wonderful resource for discussing how your psychotropic medications may interact with other medications (e.g., birth control) and during specific life stages (e.g., pregnancy, breastfeeding). While psychiatrists used to provide both psychotherapy as well as prescribing medications, at this time, the vast majority were trained specifically for the diagnosis and delivery of psychotropic medications.
Master’s Level Therapists:
Master’s Level Therapists attend graduate school for an average of 2 years with an additional 2 years in which they accrue supervised hours for licensure. There are a few different types of Master’s Level clinicians. Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) tend to train more in family systems and in treating couples. Licensed Social Workers (LCSWs) focus on training in systems and the impact on the individual (e.g., oppression, housing support, poverty, healthcare, etc…).
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors (LPCC) often work with individuals as well as with folks struggling with substance overuse or abuse. If you’re looking for a clinician and notice an “A” in front of these designations like AMFT and ACSW, these clinicians are unlicensed associates who are receiving supervised training as they accrue hours for licensure.
Navigating Insurance
One of the most frequently questions I get asked is, Why don’t they take my insurance?
There are several reasons. Let’s explore them below:
Insurance companies often only cover a certain number of sessions, specific diagnoses, and sometimes certain treatment approaches as well. Many therapists want their clients to have the freedom to be seen within their own time frame of healing.
Some of my close friends have shared with me that they feel frustrated when they form a connection with a therapist, begin to feel comfortable getting into the hard work, and aren’t able to complete their course of treatment because they’ve met the maximum allotted number of sessions from their insurance. That cycle can often be exhausting and disappointing.
Insurance Requires a Diagnosis
Insurance companies will only cover sessions if there is a diagnosis on record. While some clients don’t mind having their diagnosis be part of their medical files, others (e.g., physicians, lawyers, those going through a contentious divorce, etc…) might not want their information to be made public during potential court cases. Additionally, not every diagnosis is covered - so while you may be ready and willing to engage in the treatment, insurance won’t cover the service.
Oftentimes, insurance companies don’t reimburse therapists well so therapists opt to remain out-of-network (private pay). Therapists spend a lot of time in client care outside of the face-to-face sessions including crisis calls, consulting with your psychiatrists, physicians, children’s schools, etc… Therapists also spend a lot of time outside of client care engaging in treatment planning, consultation with other therapists, and staying up to date with the treatment literature.
With the amount that insurance companies are willing to pay, therapists often end up with larger caseloads and less time to engage in the behind-the-scenes care for clients. You may also find that they tend to have long waitlists. When working out-of-network, clinicians are often able to take on a lower caseload, allowing them time to truly tailor sessions to your unique needs.
Navigating out-of-network benefits:
One thing to note is that you may still be eligible to receive reimbursement for out-of-network sessions depending on your insurance carrier and type of plan. Your therapist will provide you with a monthly Superbill that you will send to your insurance. It is important to share that some insurance companies are very slow to return reimbursement, so you may want to ask your therapist if they are able to give you Superbills directly after each session.
If you do have out-of-network coverage, then you will likely receive reimbursement as a percentage of the session fee. That percentage can vary depending on your insurance, so you’ll want to ask about that ahead of time. You can check out my FAQs page for a list of questions to ask to learn more about your unique plan.
Feeling Uncertain at the Beginning
As a first-time therapy-goer, it is natural to have doubts, to wonder about the process of how it works, and to want to know if you made the right choice. The first few sessions will likely be focused on learning more about your history, your family, how you relate to your emotions, who you are now, and what you’re hoping for. It can feel vulnerable to share all that information with a literal stranger.
One thing to note is that you can always pump the brakes or gas during a session. If there’s a certain area that feels too raw or that you’re not ready to discuss yet - you can share that. The therapist will adjust their pace and help you sit with the things you are open to discussing. The therapy space belongs to you and the therapist (think of yourself as a co-pilot) where the therapist wants you to feel comfortable and secure in your sessions so you can both head in the right direction towards healing and growth.
Begin Working With a Therapist For Women in Los Angeles, CA Today!
Are you a mother struggling to manage your anxiety symptoms? Discover how Worth and Wellness can help provide you with the support and guidance you need to overcome your anxiety symptoms. To get started follow these three simple steps:
Contact us for a free consultation to see if we are a good match.
Schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled anxiety therapist
Begin coping with your anxiety symptoms and living your best life!
Other Counseling Services I Offer in Los Angeles, CA
At Worth and Wellness Psychology, I offer in-person and online therapy. This includes individual therapy for relationship issues, dating, and anxiety. In addition to therapy for therapists and women of color. Check out my blog and FAQs to learn more about me. Reach out to talk about how I can support you.
About the Author, An Anxiety & Trauma Therapist in LA and Orange County
Dr. Adrianna Holness, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist at Worth and Wellness Psychology, serving clients online and in person throughout California. She received her Ph.D. in Clinical Health Psychology from Loma Linda University. As a trauma and PTSD psychologist, she specializes in creating space for healing and wholeness as clients take on the brave and beautiful work of addressing life’s hardest moments. She is trained in many evidence-based trauma treatment approaches, including EMDR. She also works with clients in the spaces where trauma intersects with your self-confidence, relationships, dating, anxiety, and identity.
Disclaimer:
This blog provides general information and discussions about health and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, website, or in any linked materials are not intended and should not be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog does not constitute the practice of any medical or mental healthcare advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We cannot diagnose, provide second opinions or make specific treatment recommendations through this blog or website.
