How Anxiety Can Impact Your Relationship
Are they the one?
As a relationship and dating therapist, I can’t tell you how often I hear this question. If you struggle with anxiety in relationships, then you know your anxiety can show up in many forms. For some, that may look like self-doubt, worry around how you are perceived, or not knowing whether or not you’re in the “right” relationship. For others, it might mean that you hear everything as a criticism or are constantly searching for evidence that your partner thinks you’re not enough.
How has anxiety impacted your romantic relationships?
Anxiety and Self-Doubt
How we feel about ourselves impacts not only how we show up in relationships, but also how we view our partners. If you are struggling with anxiety in a romantic relationship, then you may find that you scan your relationship while wearing anxiety goggles. Sound familiar? Let’s go over some examples:
Feeling easily overwhelmed when receiving helpful and kind feedback from a partner.
Feeling like if you don’t do everything PERFECTLY, that your partner won’t want to be with you.
Scanning for signs of rejection.
Scanning for signs that your partner is being disloyal or untruthful.
Not being able to receive and fully take in compliments.
Picking fights so your partner can reassure you that they are invested in the relationship.
For my clients, anxiety therapy is often focused on learning how they can read the room in a way that emphasizes self-kindness.
Impacts of Relationship Anxiety
What’s your go-to when you are feeling anxious within your relationship? Are you calm, intentional, and respectful? Oftentimes, while anxiety tells us that we are not relationally safe and that what we really want is reassurance and security - the actions we engage in (e.g., being critical, controlling, sharp-tongued, or withdrawing) actually get us the exact opposite result of what we were hoping for. Let’s explore some common impacts of anxiety and how an anxiety therapist can help!
Anxiety and Trust
As a dating therapist, trust is one of the biggest issues that shows up in relationship counseling. If we can’t trust that we are worthy of being loved and good enough even on our worst days, then it can be incredibly hard to accept care from our partners. If you struggle with relationship anxiety then you may have wondered:
Am I lovable?
Do they want someone…. better, prettier, more successful, funnier, taller, more talkative, less talkative, etc…
Am I worth this effort?
When we are in a space of self-doubt, it can also be hard to actually hear what our partners are saying. A big part of therapy for anxiety is noticing where your attention goes. Oftentimes, you may find that you are scanning for signs of rejection or inconsistencies in your partner. Why? So you won’t feel caught off guard, let down or abandoned.
Anxiety and Control
Do you every find yourself creating a list of “shoulds,” “have tos,” “need tos” or “don’t forget tos” for your partner. Oftentimes, relational anxiety can lead us to think ahead to ALL of the worst case scenarios for our partners. It can be easy to try to reduce our own sense of internal anxiety and concern by…
Checking to make sure they’re up on time for work.
Correcting their grammar.
Commenting on their outfits when you’re visiting your family.
Wanting to be involved in their self-care.
Double and triple checking that they followed up on that thing they promised they would do.
As an anxiety therapist, I work with clients on helping you identify the areas where anxiety - while well-intentioned, has negatively impacted you relationships. If you’re ready to try anxiety treatment, reach out today.
Are you ready to address your anxiety?
Therapy for dating can be a space to explore how anxiety is impacting your relationships.
Anxiety and Jealousy
As a dating therapist, I often find that jealousy and anxiety go hand in hand. When we do not feel secure in our own worth within a relationship, it can be incredibly easy to feel jealous or unsure of our partner’s level of dedication. You may worry that someone else can make your partner laugh, that they compliment another person’s style, or you may even find yourself jealous of relationships that are platonic or familial (e.g., best friends, sibling relationship, parental relationship). At it’s core, jealousy and anxiety tell us that we’re not good enough… and that someone else or something else is better.
How do you show up when your sense of self-worth and relational security is challenged?
Anxiety and Our Thoughts
How do you typically feel after an argument? Do you feel like you have more of an understanding of your partner, that you learn more about who they are and how they communicate? Or do you think that the relationship is doomed, that the conflict is evidence that you don’t belong together, or that you should just break up now?
Do your thoughts tell you that the relationship should feel PERFECT, easy, conflict-free? Do your thoughts tell you that you should always feel happy? That your partner should be able to read your thoughts? Or just intuitively know your needs?
Relationship therapy is a space where you can challenge those quick, internal responses that tear at the fabric of your relationship. When you learn to address your anxiety, tune into what your values tell you, and make choices that are aligned with the partner you want to be, you can create a relationship that feels grounded and secure.
Start Working With an Anxiety Therapist in Los Angeles, CA
Do you struggle with anxiety in your romantic relationships? Start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
Complete our contact form online for a consultation.
Speak with an experienced and caring therapist.
Start receiving the support you deserve!
About the Author, Dr. Adrianna Holness, An Anxiety Therapist in LA & Orange County
Dr. Adrianna Holness, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist at Worth and Wellness Psychology, serving clients online and in person throughout California. She received her Ph.D. in Clinical Health Psychology from Loma Linda University. As a psychologist that specializes in anxiety treatment, she creates a space for healing and wholeness so her clients can focus on addressing the cause of their anxiety. She is trained in many evidence-based trauma treatment approaches, including EMDR.
Other Services Offered with Worth and Wellness
Worth and Wellness is happy to offer a variety of services in support of your mental health. Other services offered include anxiety therapy, EMDR therapy, trauma therapy, and therapy for therapists. We also provide online therapy, therapy for women of color, and therapy for individuals. Visit us today or our blog today to start your journey to a better life!
Disclaimer:
This blog provides general information and discussions about health and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, website, or in any linked materials are not intended and should not be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog does not constitute the practice of any medical or mental healthcare advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We cannot diagnose, provide second opinions or make specific treatment recommendations through this blog or website.
