Dating and Self-Worth
Dating is _________________
What came to mind there? Dating is…. Fun? Exhausting? Nerve Wracking? Interesting? Liberating? Triggering? A waste of time?
If you can take a moment to observe your internal scripts about dating. (Tongue twister here) The way we think we’re going to think about something… is typically how we end up thinking about it.
What does all that mean? If you think that dating is going to be exhausting, then you’re going to show up in the space not only with that expectation but also with a magnifying glass and checklist to investigate and prove your point. When we already decide how something, or in the case of dating, how someone is going to be, we hyper-fixate on the evidence for those beliefs.
In the same way, if we tell ourselves that we are unlovable, too needy, not pretty enough, etc… we enter the space of dating looking for proof that others view us that way. Sometimes - unfortunately - we end up going out with people who aren’t healthy and who do believe those things about us. In other words, our negative self-talk can act like a magnet for people who will confirm our deepest fears.
If you’re in a phase of life of dating and feel stuck, notice you’re repeating patterns, or struggle with self-esteem, then you might benefit by working with a relationship therapist for dating.
Oftentimes, our self-esteem can impact not only who we choose to date, but also how we show up within the space of dating. So many of the women I work with are smart, brave, vulnerable women… who keep finding themselves in frustrating dating patterns. Dating in this way can often feel like, “the one thing I just can’t get right, maybe not for me, or something I just don’t deserve.
How do you show up relationally?
The Chill Dater:
If you fit the chill dater profile, you likely show up with minimal focus on your own needs. You work hard not to rock the boat, or to upset, disappoint, or let someone down. You may often say things like, that’s okay, no worries, and I’m fine…. even when you’re literally the opposite of fine. If you’re a chill dater, you may spend a lot of time listening and advocating for others’ needs, while never stating your own.
The Breadcrumb Dater:
If your dating life is strung together by following a trail of breadcrumbs, you may be very familiar with the situationship dynamic. When you doubt your own worth, how interesting you are, and whether you are enough, it can be easy to be open to receiving the minimum amount of effort and intention from others.
✨ Your date ghosts and then pops up a week later? No problem… you’ve already created reasons why their behavior was acceptable.
✨ What types of breadcrumbs have you settled for both from dating partners… and yourself?
✨ Your date is on their phone and distracted? No problem, you’re just glad they invited you out.
The Way Too Busy Dater:
If you’re the Way Too Busy Dater you may crave connection and relationship, but you don’t move in the direction of those values because you’re too busy. Maybe you tell yourself that you’ll start dating when… your schedule at work is less hectic, once you’ve reached certain financial goals, when you’ve reached a dream weight or, have that “beach body.” You desire partnership and yet it’s easy to put it off until…. someday.
The Repeat Pattern Dater:
If you’re the Repeat Pattern Dater, you may show up wondering why you keep dating the same person. Maybe you wonder why you keep winding up taking care of someone else, why your needs never really matter to the other person, or why you keep pairing up with someone who puts you down.
Want to start therapy for self-worth? Or struggle with dating anxiety?
Learn more about how a therapist for dating can help!
Guess What?
All these types of daters have something in common. We only ask for the needs we believe we are worthy of receiving and our self-esteem plays a huge role in whether we think we’re worthy of identifying them or even allowing ourselves to get to know them.
Self-Worth and Dating
How we show up in our dating life, and in every aspect of our lives impacts who we choose to spend our time with and how we allow ourselves to be treated. So let’s check in on your self-talk!
✨ How do I talk to myself?
✨ Do I believe I am worthy of being treated?
✨ How do I want to feel around a potential partner?
✨ What story am I telling myself about what makes me desirable, worthy, or attractive?
Many of the women I work with feel like relationships, specifically dating, feel like an area where they get stuck. They share that they feel like they’re doing something wrong. That they have to have everything figured out in their lives, or that they don’t understand how everyone else around them seems to be “doing it right.” As a relationship therapist, I LOVE getting to help clients explore how dating doesn’t start on a date… it starts with how you relate to yourself. It’s not about what you’re doing “wrong.” It’s about learning to accept yourself, both in your beauty and in your flaws. So you can create relationships that both celebrate you and challenge you to continue growing into your best self.
Where do I start?
Dating is a little like getting on the freeway. Oftentimes, many of us go through seasons of moving through the freeway hoping to meet someone to share life with. There are also seasons when we get off the freeway and focus on other important areas (e.g., family, friends, school, your children, etc…). Whether you are dating or not, the best place to start is by working on your relationship with yourself. An attachment-based therapist can help you. By exploring your own relationship to your emotions, your worth, and your needs so that you can start to show up in your life with confidence, self-kindness, and self-attunement.
Ready to Level up your Self-Worth with Therapy for Dating in Los Angeles, CA?
Ready to take a dive into exploring your needs, improving your self-worth, and showing up to your dating life in the way that you want? Follow the steps below to get started at Worth and Wellness Psychology:
Fill out our contact form online for a consultation.
Speak with our experienced dating therapist.
Begin your journey to self-discovery!
Other Services Offered at Worth and Wellness Psychology in Los Angeles, CA
Here at Worth and Wellness Psychology, we offer more than just therapy for dating. We specialize in EMDR therapy, trauma therapy, and anxiety treatment. We also provide therapy for therapists, online therapy, therapy for women of color, and therapy for individuals. Visit us today to start your journey to a better life!
