Self-Trust and Divorce
This isn’t how I expected my life to go
Whether the divorce was amicable, your decision, the safest decision, or something that blindsided you… a divorce can shake your foundational self-esteem and leave you feeling lost, helpless, and powerless.
In my work as a relationship therapist, I feel honored to work with women at every stage of life.
Some of my clients are taking a break from dating to learn not only how to love themselves, but also to figure out their own relational needs. For others, therapy for dating helps to explore attachment styles, dive deep into generational trauma or wounds, and learn to feel confident in being present for healthy and respectful communication.
Divorce recovery counseling is another space where I work with women to increase self-care and level up their self-worth so they can intentionally design the life they want for themselves.
In my work as a relationship therapist, I often find that it can be easy to lose your sense of self-trust and self-connection. Let’s explore some of those areas!
Need support?
Reach out to learn how self-esteem therapy can help today.
Self Check-in
Let’s start with a self check-in: How have I been talking to myself lately?
An event like a divorce can be an all-consuming reality that can lead your nervous system to dive into a sense of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. While you may have not previously struggled with anxiety, you may find yourself flooded with ALL the feelings.
For many of the women that I work with, a divorce can impact their sense of self, their routines, their sense of safety, self-efficacy, and confidence. When we struggle with these areas, it can be especially easy to be hard on ourselves and to critique ourselves (e.g., body image, worth, etc…). The first step to tuning into your own experience is to pause… and notice how you are talking to yourself.
How we talk to ourselves, directly impacts how we feel about ourselves and unfortunately, you may find that you say unkind or even downright cruel things to yourself that you would never even think about another person.
Let’s try an exercise. By shifting your negative self-talk, you can start to improve your relationship with yourself. Notice how you feel after each phrase.
Unkind Self-Talk: I’m useless at this and I’m never going to make it through this divorce.
Self Check-in Self-Talk: This divorce is really hard and I’m struggling. It’s okay to have hard days and to need support.
Unkind Self-Talk: I can’t trust myself to date again.
Self Check-in Self Talk: I can take time, notice what worked and what didn’t work for me, and learn more about who I want to be in relationship and who I want by my side.
Self-Curiosity
Am I creating space to learn about myself?
🤍 My strengths?
🤍 My Values?
🤍 My Sensitivities?
🤍 My triggers?
One of the most important areas for establishing or re-building self-trust is self-curiosity. So often as women, we can get caught up in the day-to-day stressors, drive for perfectionism, and expectations around meeting others’ needs. Somewhere in all that busyness, it’s easy to let go of our most important relationship - the one with ourselves.
For instance, how often do you focus on your individual strengths? In today’s society, especially for women, confidence is often mistaken for pride or as an overestimation of our worth. Many of the women I work with can EASILY list their three least favorite traits. It’s a lot harder though to name the top three FAVORITE traits. What are your strengths? How often do you pay attention or get to showcase them?
In exploring boundaries, values, triggers, and strengths, you can empower yourself to not only build up your own self-trust but to also re-establish trust in your world.
Want to learn more about self-trust?
Self esteem therapy can help you level up your self-trust!
Self-Accountability
Am I saying NO to things that drain me so that I can say YES to things that are fulfilling?
If you have gone or are going through a separation or divorce, then you likely have found much of your free time is taken up by the process. In working with women throughout their divorces, I always remind them to prioritize their needs. Don’t remember what those look like? No worries! Post divorce therapy can help you learn to realign with your inner sense of knowing and self-trust.
The first step, is noticing what is on your plate. For divorced women and especially divorced moms, there can be a sense of guilt around putting yourself first. You may have been pretty busy balancing priorities and schedules either with your partner or for your family. It can be pretty easy to find yourself treading water in survival mode or to switch into fix it mode in order to avoid hard emotions.
Healing, however, is found in the pause. When you take a break and allow yourself to notice, to feel, and to grieve and/or celebrate, you can create space for healing.
Interested in divorce recovery counseling?
Reach out to work with a relationship counselor today!
Start To Trust in Yourself in Los Angeles, CA By Working with a Therapist Today!
Navigating life after divorce can be difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone. I would be happy to offer support from my Los Angeles, CA-based practice. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
Fill out our contact form online for a consultation.
Speak with an experienced and caring therapist.
Start receiving the support you deserve
Other Services Offered with Worth and Wellness
Worth and Wellness is happy to offer a variety of services in support of your mental health. Other services offered include anxiety therapy, EMDR therapy, trauma therapy, and therapy for therapists. We also provide online therapy, therapy for women of color, and therapy for individuals. Visit us today or our blog today to start your journey to a better life!
