Insight into Trust and Relationships from a Relationship Issues Therapist
If you’ve been in a relationship before. Any relationship - whether that’s romantic, platonic, or familial, you have likely encountered either bumps or conversations around trust.
Our earliest messages around trust are learned in infancy with our early caregivers. We all learn whether our needs will be responded to in a timely manner. We also learn if others will be consistent in how they show up for us emotionally, and whether we can rely on others to keep us safe. Those templates for trust also impact our attachment styles and they impact the way that we view trust over the course of our lives.
Attachment Styles and Trust:
Attachment styles are simply a template for understanding how you relate to others within your world. Let’s take a look at those attachment styles:
Anxious Attachment Style: Can I trust you to be available?
If you identify with an anxious attachment style, then you likely crave intimacy and closeness in romantic relationships. This also means being on high alert for signs that your dating partner or significant other isn’t as invested as you are. At the core of those who struggle with anxious attachment is the question: am I lovable? And with that question is the underlying fear of being abandoned, rejected, or forgotten. For folks with anxious attachment styles, you may feel like your internal safety systems run on high alert for rejection.
Do you relate to trust in any of these ways?
✨ Can I trust you to want to be close to me?
✨ Do I trust you to be reliable?
✨ Can I trust you to hear my needs?
✨ Do I trust you to communicate how you feel about me?
✨ Can I trust you to be clear about where our relationship stands?
Avoidant Attachment Style: Can I trust you to not let me down?
If you identify with an avoidant attachment style, then you likely wrestle with the feeling of being “trapped” or being relied on too heavily. You may feel like you have to be responsible for everything and everybody… and that maybe you’re just better off on your own. At the core of those who struggle with an avoidant attachment style is the question: am I a failure? and associated worries about how to prove your worth.
✨ Do I trust you to not take advantage of me?
✨ Can I trust you to take care of yourself?
✨ Do I trust you to value my independence?
✨ Can I trust you at your word?
Secure Attachment Style: I can trust myself to be available and still be okay when I’m let down.
If you identify with a secure attachment style, then you likely know how to manage when you’ve experienced relationship setbacks. Assuming that you’ve been abandoned or that you’re a failure is not how you feel. Instead, you can more gently ride the waves of heartbreak with the knowledge that you’re going to be okay.
Individual Therapy for Relationships in California
Ready to explore your trust profile? Reach out to an Attachment Therapist today!
Your Trust Profile:
While trust is key to a healthy relationship, those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may struggle in these areas. Both within the context of dating and more long-term partnerships (especially if matched up with each other).
How do you show up when you’re feeling alone/rejected/abandoned?
If you have an anxious attachment style then you may find yourself scanning for signs of rejection or abandonment. You may find yourself in a spiral of either reaching out frequently (e.g., blowing up their phone with texts or voicemails). Or even withdrawing (e.g., pretending to be busy when they do reach out). You may also notice that you look for proof of deceit or upcoming rejection by, snooping through texts or monitoring their social media accounts to see who they follow or interact with on a day-to-day basis.
How do you show up when you’re feeling let down or like you’re losing your sense of independence?
If you have an avoidant attachment style, you may find that you prefer casual relationships or one-night stands. In relationships, you may notice that you spend time looking forward to seeing the person you’re dating…. only to feel trapped once you start spending time together. You may send hot and cold messages and then feel overwhelmed if the other person seems to want or need more from you than you can give. You may then push others away by putting them down, comparing them to an ex, or stop responding altogether.
Struggling with relationship issues in California?
Learn more about Individual Therapy for Relationships.
Get Started with Individual Therapy for Relationships in Los Angeles, CA Today!
How do you show up in your relationships? If you’re tired of finding yourself in the same dating and relationship patterns, then a relationship issues therapist can help you get started. The beautiful thing about our attachment styles is that they simply inform us about what we need. When you can learn what those needs are, you can start to heal those wounds and look for relationships that break the attachment wounding cycle. Follow these steps to start your journey at our practice:
Fill out our contact form online.
Speak with our compassionate therapist.
Begin healing today!
Resources:
If you’re interested in learning more about your attachment style, you can take a free quiz.
Books:
✨ Attached
Other Services Offered at Worth and Wellness Psychology
Here at Worth and Wellness Psychology, our approach to individual therapy for relationship issues is one of understanding and care. We specialize in anxiety treatment, EMDR therapy, and trauma therapy. We also offer online therapy, therapy for therapists, therapy for women of color, and therapy for dating. Take the first steps to a happier life today!
