A Very Perfectionistic New Years
It’s that time of year again. New Years.
That one time of year where we can expect LOTS of questions around your New Year’s Resolutions. For my perfectionists out there, you know that there can be an internal pressure to take all those “shoulds” that you place on yourself throughout the year and put them into a nice and tidy list of resolutions for the year ahead (AKA: How I’m going to “fix” myself this year).
There’s nothing better than an impossible New Years Resolution for a perfectionist.
So let’s talk about perfectionism and resolutions and how you can flip the script this year.
As a therapist for perfectionists, I love talking to my clients around the impact of the New Year on their sense of self-worth and quality of life. First off, if we’re being honest - New Years is just a day that highlights those perfectionistic patterns. It’s the one time of the year where others normalize that “fix it” approach and it can be incredibly easy for perfectionists to fall into this trap.
It’s great to be able to have a goal that you track and hold yourself accountable for. The important distinction is…. does it change how you feel about yourself?
If you struggle with perfectionism, then you know that a resolution can feel more like a judgment where you’re worthy if you meet all your resolutions and you’re not worthy or good enough if you don’t. It’s like a good enough check box that can haunt you throughout the year.
So what does all this mean?
If you’re an independent, self-sufficient, high achieving, get STUFF done kind of perfectionist… I want to challenge you to see if those resolutions are serving you.
Ready to try therapy for perfectionists?
Challenging the Perfectionistic Script
Let’s have you take a look at those resolutions. Pull out that list and take a look at what you’ve written down. Oftentimes, when I work with perfectionists in therapy, their resolutions are goal oriented. For example, lose x number of pounds, run x number of times, meet x number of performance goals at work and you are worthy. They’re more about doing and less about living. I like to challenge my clients to see what a resolution could be like if it was simply based around either a 1) value or 2) living the life actually want.
Values vs. Goals:
Values are not the same thing as goals. Goals are fixed points or tasks that can be crossed off a list, whereas a value is based more around how you want to live and who you want to be.
A goal might be… this year I will cut down on my sugar intake.
A value, on the other hand, might be… this year, I will try my best to live a healthy lifestyle.
With values, there may be a day where you go to a birthday party and have a big slice of your favorite kind of cake 🎂. With a goal, you failed to accomplish your stated task by simply allowing yourself to enjoy a moment. With a value, you can still aim to live a healthier lifestyle by 1) taking a walk, 2) stretching, 3) drinking more water, 4) attending therapy. With values, your eggs don’t all fall into one basket.
A value simply points you in the direction of where you want to go, without the time pressure of having to do everything “right” all the time.
See if you can pause and notice, how do you feel about trying out a values based vs. a goal driven lifestyle?
Learn more about your perfectionism at Worth and Wellness Psychology!
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Living the Life You Actually Want
How do you want to live this year? Do you want to spend more time in nature? Do you want to attend more concerts? Do you want to spend time with friends and family?
Rather than focusing on a tailored list of “shoulds” or “need to dos” this year, what if you simply leaned more into living the life that you want to have. Yes…goals help us get there. And…. for a perfectionist, goals can also lead to shame or create a pattern of trying to “prove that you are worthy.” What if you learned to accept that you are worthy every single day, and not because you checked a goal off your list?
It can be so easy to get caught up in the perfection game that we lose sight of who we are.
Who do you think you would be if you weren’t spending all your extra time worrying about how you compare to others?
Start Working with an Anxiety Therapist in Los Angeles, CA
Therapy for perfectionists can be a great place to start if you struggle with an internal dialogue of having to do things “right” or basing your worth on your performance. Life is way too short to spend it thinking that you never quite measure up. Worth and Wellness is here to offer support. If you’re ready to learn how to lean into the life you want, reach out by following these simple steps:
Speak with our caring therapist.
Start supporting the strength of your relationship.
About the Author, Dr. Adrianna Holness, An Anxiety Therapist for Perfectionists and People Pleasers in LA & Orange County
Dr. Adrianna Holness, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist at Worth and Wellness Psychology, serving clients online and in person throughout California. She received her Ph.D. in Clinical Health Psychology from Loma Linda University. As a psychologist that specializes in anxiety treatment, she creates a space for healing and wholeness so her clients can focus on addressing the cause of their anxiety. She is trained in many evidence-based trauma treatment approaches, including EMDR.
Other Services Offered with Worth and Wellness
Worth and Wellness is happy to offer a variety of services in support of your mental health in addition to anxiety therapy. Other services offered include EMDR therapy, trauma therapy, and therapy for therapists. We also provide online therapy, therapy for women of color, and therapy for individuals. Visit us today or our blog today to start your journey to a better life!
Disclaimer:
This blog provides general information and discussions about health and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, website, or in any linked materials are not intended and should not be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog does not constitute the practice of any medical or mental healthcare advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We cannot diagnose, provide second opinions or make specific treatment recommendations through this blog or website.
